Near Goggles (PSA)

Don't lie, you've worn them.

I believe everyone has adorned a fresh pair of Near Goggles at some point in their life, but the question is... Did you know you were wearing them? Are you wearing them now??

You may be familiar with Beer Goggles, the more generic of infatuation eye-wear; but Near Goggles prove to be a much more formidable handicap. BGs, while often leading to a relatively decent close for your night, are often the catalyst for a terrible morning. (Either you're taking the walk of shame, sneaking out at 3AM, waking up next to swamp-thing, or trying to remember the name of that Guatemalan transvestite who has probably already sold your kidney on eBay) The upside? You can go out with the intention of wearing your transparent frames by the end of the night. (It's not my job to judge)

You can search for BGs, but Near Goggles find you. Don't pretend like you haven't figured out what they are. You work at that job with a 10:1 ratio, and the first day you show up you assess the scene. You see that the only member of the opposite sex is a 5 on their best day... and you start to curse God because you realize you'll be looking at that same 5 for the next third of your natural life. (or until you get fired for screwing up at the drive thru...whichever comes first)

Then it happens. One day you come into work and Cinco looks like a 6. Then you start thinking that maybe in the right light, with the right outfit, they could be a 6.5... maybe even a low 7. Days, Weeks, Months pass and somehow Cinco is an Ocho and you're at dinner. Now you begin to consider that you have things in common with Cinco. "Wow, you use Angel Soft, too? Amazing!" One dinner becomes two; two dinners becomes drinks; drinks become goggles, and next thing you know you're married. Congratulations!

I consider this entry to simply be a Public Service Announcement. Near Goggles are out there - have you looked in the mirror lately?



Wow. That was a test. Geez, you're shallow.



Unrelated Note: ".com" coming soon!