Lazy Bum

Recently a buddy and I were walking along a downtown Greensboro street and, by no influence of our own, are approached by a lazy bum. This is not a "lazy bum" in the sense of someone sitting at their desk reading an amazing blog (thanks for your support)while they should be working, but a lazy bum literally.

"I know ya'll gonna smoke a blunt with a brotha'. I know I'm not as smart as you guys but..."

The replies to this lazy bum's comments are pretty much along the lines of sorry bum, we're not going to smoke a blunt with you and you're right... you're not as smart as we are. But I'm paraphrasing of course. What really shocked me about this guy is that he put forth just enough effort to be a lazy ass bum and not a bit more. His statement implies at the least, 3 things that are Unsat:

a. I'm going to smoke a blunt with a random homeless guy. False. If I were smoking, I wouldn't let a bum hit my blunt, the hell does he think this is? the 70's ??

b. That throwing in 'with a brother' would evoke some sort of sympathy. False. It only made me want to stab him in the eye with my keys.

c. That we were smarter than he was. True. Not because we happened to have attended college. Just because we happened not to be lazy ass bums who don't beg for change but beg for weed instead.


You know what really grinds my gears about the whole thing? This proves that we are truly in an age of instant gratification. Here we have a guy who most likely has no job, gets to hang out all day, and probably makes no real contribution to society. I know that these are assumptions of the worst kind... but these are based soley on the first impression. So Mr. Lazy Ass Bum, after a hard day of doing nothing, can't even muster the energy to form an intelligible sentence and ask for some spare change? It would be a far too difficult task to ask several people for loose change to accomplish the overall goal of getting high; Instead, this guy decides to beg that someone completely relinquish their investments (10 bucks, the effort of rolling, and their time) so he can reap all the benefits. What kind of world are we living in where even people who don't work feel like they're entitiled to something? It's a sad, sad day when you can't even get a bum to beg for change.

Next thing you know there will be kids expecting to get diplomas without learning to read, or women expecting to get half a guy's belongings without putting an effort into the relationship.

Oh Wait...

At least this guy had the decency to make a sign

School... Bored

A major problem facing our society is the inefficient school 'system' that we've got in place. Honestly, we're failing the next generation. (truth be told my generation ain't so hot itself)

In case you're unfamiliar with the infamous "no child left behind" act in place right now I'll give you a quick breakdown:

a.) Kids go to sub-par schools with inadequate teachers in laughable conditions and take biased standardized test from the "temporary classroom" with their 34 classmates.
b.) Kids fail said standardized test, performing way below the average, and the school gets a letter saying straighten up or the government's coming to take names and kick asses.
c.) Kids continue to struggle with the material that they're never being taught, yet tested on, and continue to fail at embarrassing rates.
d.) Government steps in and takes over. Commence kicking of asses and taking of names
e.) Funding is routed away from the school, Kids continue to fail, Government Laughs.
f.) Kids make careers of Taco Bell.

The high point of the NCLB - or nickelbee as pompous idiots call it - is that the kids work at Taco Bell. So at least, at the end of the day they have warm quesadillas and challupas to take home to their families. The downside is that the kids can't count, so if the register at Taco Bell ever goes on the fritz, they'd better hope that Burger King is hiring.

In what crazy parallel universe does it make sense to take money away from kids who are doing poorly and give it to kids who are already lightyears past the mark? If the school's already the size of a small village, is there really a need for a science annex? If a kid has to walk through a trailer park styled collection of 'temps' just to find his classroom, I don't blame him for skipping school on snow days. It's school, not an arctic expedition.

Seriously, it's not rocket science. If Rickey Smiley and Bruce Bruce were standing in a room who would you give a donut to first? If you said Bruce Bruce, I'd advise you to take the nearest sharp object and jam it into your eye socket. Bruce might want the donut more than Rickey, but if Rickey doesn't eat - dude is a goner.

Seriously people, we've got to do something about the bureaucracy going on here. It doesn't take much to see that "no child left behind" is and has always been a scam. So are a bunch of other things going down right now, that we obviously aren't paying too much attention to. For the love of God wake up.... because i'm sick of this kid fucking up my change at the drive-thru!

Hostage.

Today while leaving work I came face to face with a hostage-taking terrorist.

I'm not speaking like al-qaeda terrorist group type hostage takers, I''m talking sit-at-the-desk-outside-of-your-office hostage takers. If you don't have an office they'll sit outside your room door, or next to your lunch table, or somewhere in the near vicinity. Hostage takers are those people who you speak to in passing, and BOOM, you're trapped. A professional Okie Doke artist. You think you're going for the cordial greeting and the next thing you know you are held in a no-holds-barred struggle for your life.

Fact: 3 out of 5 individuals are hostage-takers.

If you don't know anyone who takes hostages, it's you.

Why am I being held against my will when all I'd like to do is walk from my office door to my car door and drive away from you? Honestly everyone knows "how's it going?" is not a true invitation to tell me how it's going. If the hostage takers weren't savages of the worst kind they would acknowledge this and let me go about my day. No such Luck. Today it took 15 minutes to walk , roughly, 50 yards because 14.86 minutes were usurped by pointless and altogether mind-numbing conversation.

I was trapped. As if she didn't notice the glances at my wrist (where a watch would be if I wore one) or my steady and not so stealthy inching toward the doorway. I couldn't get away. It took every ounce of energy I had not to bolt across the room and out the door.

It's not that I don't care about the family you have in a different state, or care that two decades ago you had really long hair. It's not that I'm not concerned about what you ate for dinner last night or how much you enjoyed the obscure tv show you watched at 4AM. Wait, Actually, it is. I don't care. It doesn't matter - especially after 4 O'Clock.

Unholy Religion...

I've definitely grown beyond tired of people using this whole religion thing as a means to hoist themselves above the rest of the world. As if blindly believing in some mythical being makes you, in some mildly retarded manner, better than someone else. Don't get me wrong, i'm not an athiest. i do believe. i am a christian. i am also a realist.

I wonder at what point religion made the shift from belief to passtime. Way back when your grandma and grandpa walked all over tarnation just to go to church, it meant something. Religion was the rock, the source of strength, the 'insert random hymn lyric here'. Nowadays religion's like an extra-curricular activity, or better yet, a chore. No matter what kind of fucked up, roller-ish, dirty dude type shit we've done during the week, we always seem to plop ourselves in the back row of the church on Sunday don't we? Walking contradictions. It's funny how people who claim to believe in an omniscient higher power seem to think that he (or she, i mean who knows?) doesn't see what goes down during the work week. As if from Monday to Saturday God's on the beach sippin margaritas so he doesn't get around to checking out what you're doing. Doesn't seem too logical does it? (but hey in our defense... neither does religion)

I'm not saying that there aren't people who have true bonds and true walks with God. I'm not saying that there's anything wrong with going to church, reading scripture, praying, or praising. But, at some point i really think we need to wake up and make religion more than a means to qualify ourselves as 'good people'. At some point you've got to wonder why there are five offerings in one service, an ATM out front, and commercials in between program bullets. At some point we've got to wonder how we can sit through hour long sermons without one mention of a single scripture. Or wonder why preachers push navigators and fly in G4's while their congregation push shopping carts with all their possessions in it and ride the bus. At some point we've got to wonder...

Or maybe we don't. Maybe we don't wonder or question or contend or refute. Maybe we accept it. Blindly. Maybe that's what religion is all about nowadays anyway... blind faith. Maybe if we believe that sitting in a building on a sunday will wipe away the actions of the week, then it'll be so. Maybe if we believe that dropping a tithe in a bucket equals pearly gate admittance then it will be so.

... But you should probably pray on that.

The Olympics.

As the Olympic games start to wind down, i'm sure that everyone out there has been privileged enough to catch a game or two. As the US starts to wrap up the medal race there is only one question that i could think to ask... What the Hell is This?

Am i the only person who thinks the olympics is the biggest load of cow feces to ever completely take over television? The olympics is like the illegitimate lovechild of Dr. Phil and Little House on the Prairie. I was informed recently that there is actually a speed-walking competition! Really? Speed-walking? So there is a competition to see who the worlds best walk-as-fast-as-you-can-without-running-er is? What's even worse than that is there are actually people who have spent their life training for this extremely grueling event. I wonder how you decide to be an olympic speed-walker? How do you tell your friends that this is the life you've chosen?

"Hey Jim, let's go, we're gonna get WASTED!!"
"Nah, sorry guys i can't, i have to get up early and go do laps around the mall before the food court opens"

But, this post is more than just a rant about the extreme stupidity of the olympics. It's really about our society's decision to accept and reward mediocrity. We wouldn't want to make anyone feel bad right? It's okay Jim we know that you couldn't run the 40 to save your life so we'll give you a prize for being able to walk really quickly for a really long time. I love the USA

(and just in case you thought i was making it up[a five second clip is all i could stand]:)

The Vision

Really this post is mainly to test my page layout... (a layout that i believe to be pretty snazzy)

I appreciate you dropping by though. Read, Comment, all that good stuff. Whatever helps to pass the time right?

i wish i could promise that this blog would be something amazing, something awe-striking, thought-provoking, or even interesting.. but i can't. Well, i could, but i'm not a politician.