iFraud

My life's most recent tragedy was the death of my 80GB iPod. I know it's unhealthy for a human being to have such a strong attachment to any inanimate object, but music is my lifeblood, so that iPod meant the world to me. I could find music to suit any mood -- my iPod held the soundtrack to my life. Until that plastic, metallic, heartless piece of apple-made, Steve Jobs bullshit broke down on me.

Funnily enough, this entry isn't even about the traitor breaking down on me. As a guy who has spent more than half his life working on/with electronics i know that anything with a chip in it is bound to fail at some point. No my friends, this rant is about the "Genius Bar."

For those of you who are unfamiliar with the Genius Bar let me give you a quick rundown. This is the place that Apple technicians "troubleshoot" issues with your electronics. Unless the electronic in question is an iPod -- if that's the case, they are pretty much as worthless as a paraplegic at a track meet. This is my second encounter with the Genius bar, both have been iPod issues. The solution: new iPod. Bastards.

If the guy in the goofy shirt, with the ridiculous iPhone (that doubles as a register) is supposed to be a genius, wouldn't he be able to take apart my ipod; replace the malfunctioned battery; reassemble my ipod; and return it to me with all my data still in place? All this time I thought genius meant someone with an exceptional intellect when in reality, it's just some douche bag who charges me money to hot swap faulty equipment. You learn something new everyday.


Unrelated News.. SpeaksInInk is now on Twitter ... Peep the blog. Follow the man. Join the movement. Gracias. (@SpeaksInInk)

Near Goggles (PSA)

Don't lie, you've worn them.

I believe everyone has adorned a fresh pair of Near Goggles at some point in their life, but the question is... Did you know you were wearing them? Are you wearing them now??

You may be familiar with Beer Goggles, the more generic of infatuation eye-wear; but Near Goggles prove to be a much more formidable handicap. BGs, while often leading to a relatively decent close for your night, are often the catalyst for a terrible morning. (Either you're taking the walk of shame, sneaking out at 3AM, waking up next to swamp-thing, or trying to remember the name of that Guatemalan transvestite who has probably already sold your kidney on eBay) The upside? You can go out with the intention of wearing your transparent frames by the end of the night. (It's not my job to judge)

You can search for BGs, but Near Goggles find you. Don't pretend like you haven't figured out what they are. You work at that job with a 10:1 ratio, and the first day you show up you assess the scene. You see that the only member of the opposite sex is a 5 on their best day... and you start to curse God because you realize you'll be looking at that same 5 for the next third of your natural life. (or until you get fired for screwing up at the drive thru...whichever comes first)

Then it happens. One day you come into work and Cinco looks like a 6. Then you start thinking that maybe in the right light, with the right outfit, they could be a 6.5... maybe even a low 7. Days, Weeks, Months pass and somehow Cinco is an Ocho and you're at dinner. Now you begin to consider that you have things in common with Cinco. "Wow, you use Angel Soft, too? Amazing!" One dinner becomes two; two dinners becomes drinks; drinks become goggles, and next thing you know you're married. Congratulations!

I consider this entry to simply be a Public Service Announcement. Near Goggles are out there - have you looked in the mirror lately?



Wow. That was a test. Geez, you're shallow.



Unrelated Note: ".com" coming soon!