Hostage.

Today while leaving work I came face to face with a hostage-taking terrorist.

I'm not speaking like al-qaeda terrorist group type hostage takers, I''m talking sit-at-the-desk-outside-of-your-office hostage takers. If you don't have an office they'll sit outside your room door, or next to your lunch table, or somewhere in the near vicinity. Hostage takers are those people who you speak to in passing, and BOOM, you're trapped. A professional Okie Doke artist. You think you're going for the cordial greeting and the next thing you know you are held in a no-holds-barred struggle for your life.

Fact: 3 out of 5 individuals are hostage-takers.

If you don't know anyone who takes hostages, it's you.

Why am I being held against my will when all I'd like to do is walk from my office door to my car door and drive away from you? Honestly everyone knows "how's it going?" is not a true invitation to tell me how it's going. If the hostage takers weren't savages of the worst kind they would acknowledge this and let me go about my day. No such Luck. Today it took 15 minutes to walk , roughly, 50 yards because 14.86 minutes were usurped by pointless and altogether mind-numbing conversation.

I was trapped. As if she didn't notice the glances at my wrist (where a watch would be if I wore one) or my steady and not so stealthy inching toward the doorway. I couldn't get away. It took every ounce of energy I had not to bolt across the room and out the door.

It's not that I don't care about the family you have in a different state, or care that two decades ago you had really long hair. It's not that I'm not concerned about what you ate for dinner last night or how much you enjoyed the obscure tv show you watched at 4AM. Wait, Actually, it is. I don't care. It doesn't matter - especially after 4 O'Clock.